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| My brother-in-law is a TERRIBLE cook! the only thing he can actually get right is chinese food. Tonight he's making spaghetti, hold the tomato sauce, with curry sauce! :( All of a sudden Im not hungry anymore :(
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| I am so fucking sick and tired of being lonely out here! I am so sick of things not going my way! Nothing ever goes right for me... Im tired of going to bed at night hoping that when I wake up again things will be better, or my life will straighten out more. I cant do it anymore, i cant pretend to be so happy when im really not.
I broke up with Gareth this morning when I got home. He was great I really liked him, but he didnt live in this country! We didnt speak much anymore! And I thought that a guy out here not even 10 minutes away really liked me! Boy did I really screw up! He didnt even care when I said, I broke up with Gareth today. He just sat there laughing with his new friends. He couldnt care less about me!
I want it all to stop. I want everything to just end! I cant handle this anymore. My fucking life isnt very easy... everyone else around me is so fucking happy all the god damned time!
I miss my friends, I miss my parents, I miss my old town, I miss where I used to live, my old house, my old room... I want to be back! Im so sick of crying all the time.
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| I hate this, I feel like crying all the time. Im not happy here. I try so hard to be happy, but I cant. Every morning I wake up and do the same thing, work. I have to get the laundry together and do that, wash the dishes, clean up as much of the house as I can, feed the animals, take the dog out... and people dont think that that's hard work, but If you'd seen the condition of this house every single night after Stacey and Gary come home from work, you'd understand. It 's not fun having to do the same thing each and every day. Im getting so sick of it. Just yesterday Stacey brought a ton of clothes out of her room and dumped it in the bathroom, 3 1/2 feet high and like 4 feet wide... laundry for me to do today. I hurt. My back ache's and my legs hurt from having to carry so much stuff all the way to the basement to clean it, from being up and down the stairs so much, from being on my feet all the time...
On the weekend trip we took this past weekend, we went to the Adirondacks. I got elbowed, stomped on, jabbed, so many times its not even funny. Then I got yelled at for stupid ass things, and lectured on so many things... I've taken about as much as I can possibly take. I dont know how much more of this i can do until i snap. I want to leave, I want to get out of this place. But im stuck. No job, no car, no money, nowhere else to go... I feel as if I am doomed to be miserable the rest of my life.
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| New Ways of Life
The quietness is soon to cease,
the bliss in heaven is no more.
Hope is all there is when a world turns bad.
How can this be what the world is coming to?
How can we let these events take place?
Too often we've lost sight in the things we once believed.
Old truth's no longer exist.
Corruption has taken over the minds of people these days.
Chivalry means nothing now,
rude people are all we see.
How are people expected to live with one another,
if we cant even respect eachother?
This world seems shattered,
one big mess,
uncontrollable and unstoppable.
Take a good look around,
for these are the new ways of life.
Donna K Hoodak
Copyright ©2006 Donna K Hoodak
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| I wanna move. I want to get the hell out of this place. I cant take this. My sister is being such a bitch and im so sick of it! Just because I choose not to eat dinner downstairs because not only is there no fucking table to eat at, there isnt enough space on the god damned couch! My sis is pissed tonight because she told me to wait downstairs for dinner, and I said "Well my friend Ben is waiting for me to return on IM" I was simply going to tell him that I had dinner, and she freaked out and was like, fine then just dont eat dinner! Fuck her! "Im not my sisters keeper" she says, but it's bullshit when I get yelled at for the dumbest little things! I fucking clean day after day in her pig-hole house! I do her damn laundry! I do the dishes! I walk the fucking dog! I feed and give the animals water when they need it! What the hell does she want from me? I am her god damned slave right now! Im being used and Im getting so fucking sick of it. This was the biggest mistake ever, I should never have moved in with her! Day after day i cant help but come to my room every night after slaving for her and my brother-in-law (who does absolutly nothing to help me out) and cry for hours because I miss home and I know that Im being used! What am i supposed to do? I tried to make her happy, I am her fucking slave for god sakes! And still she vents her damn anger on me and what not... i cant take this shit! I feel like im breaking apart inside.... and theres nothing i can do about it.
I told her today when she came up to my room to yell at me that im really getting sick of her getting pissed at the smallest little things... she just threw it back in my face " you have to constantly talk to your stupid friends! You never want to spend time with me!" Maybe thats because my friends have at least BEEN THERE FOR ME! They've helped me out more than most people in my life, emotionally and mentally! She just tears me apart and it seems as if she enjoys it, every second im down! Its like she feeds on the pain of others.
God... I cant stand this anymore... I need to get away from here.
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